They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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