new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
