I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
sarcasm needs its own font
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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