he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
