every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Is it penis luge time yet?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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