1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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