I have demons in me.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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