Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
