HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
