Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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