But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
