just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
