never play flip cup with pint glasses
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
