At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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