Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
