now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
