Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize