Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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