Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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