So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
