i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
