Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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