How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
