I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i believe in u and ur pee
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
