of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
