Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Pants are for mortals
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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