It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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