My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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