I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize