We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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