He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
