literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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