Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
