if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
