remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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