the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
