talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
