She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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