the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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