he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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