My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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