I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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