I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize