you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
