I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
