You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
