I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
