Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
