no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
