Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
