When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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