community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
