I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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