toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
