i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
