best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
