you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize