i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
