i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
