I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
