I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I need to sanitize my soul.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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