don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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