is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
