I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
