did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize