Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
