Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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