I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
