he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
