it hurts more in the daytime
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
