Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
