dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
