my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
