I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
