He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
